Planning Dates

There are times in life when I wish I was a boy. Taking someone on a date is one of those times. Also when I have to use the restroom and the girls line is ridiculously long. Even as a female, I am not exactly sure what takes women so long in the restroom.

So dates. Here are the things I got invited to by men who are courting me. (now how classy did I just make a guy getting my number at a bar sound?)

Do you like sushi? I'd love to take you to get sushi this week.

What are you doing on blank date? I'd love to take you out for dinner.

Can I get your number? I'd love to take you out some time.

Some other variation of let's sit across a table from each other, ask the same questions we ask every other first date, and have that awkward moment where you see the other person ingesting food. Don't get me wrong, I'm big on knowing if you're a disgusting eater or not. It's a make or break moment for me.

But why must you take me to dinner? Or lunch? Or sushi? Coffee? Or whatever. Dates I would take someone on (which yes I could take a guy on a date, but not the first date. It's nice to take your boyfriend on a date, not some dude for date 1-4ish)

-Dave and Busters. food and gaming. hello fun.

-minor league baseball game. do they serve beer? i love beer. and corn dogs.

-bowling. okay clearly i like gaming adventures, which makes me think...

-putt putt. laser tag

-the medieval fair.

-which makes me think, medieval times

- a local show

-that wine and painting thing people are doing

-a museum

-find some sort of weird local tour

-or weird historic location you can do funny things at

-take me to 6 flags and ill have your children.

-the freaking ZOO

-the aquarium

-a body of water. to walk around. and if i could splash in it, id be really happy. this is cheap

-a wine tasting

-the driving range. yes, teach me to golf. heck do the same with the batting cages.

-take me to a dueling piano bar

-country bars. two stepping.

don't get me wrong. i love dinner. who doesnt love food. and i love cinematic adventures. but if you spiced it up on date two or three. and especially if you spiced it up on date one. let me tell you, the ladies would love it. now i know some of these things are pricey, but if someone took me on a really cool date like the above, i would totally turn around and do the same thing for them. did you know you could just google cool dates in dallas or things to do in dfw and get a great list of ideas? i know, it takes a minute out of your day instead of your regular restaurant gig, but oh well.

and if you're doing dinner, can we do something like

-dicks last resort

-rainforest cafe

-a place with live music

-medieval times

-something funny or unusual. not the cheesecake factory, which i do love but doesnt have the certain umph im looking for.

i realize not all females would like all of these things, but id say most would enjoy the majority of them. and if not, they suck, and you can take me on one of these awesome dates instead.

Toddlers and Tiaras

What magnificent parenting skills!

Today, toddlers and tiaras is in OKC. Fabulous!

At 6 years old, I thought I was really pretty if I was in my Winnie the Pooh overalls and mom let me wear cherry chapstick. What in the hell is wrong with these parents? Telling their daughter it is time to get pretty. Your baby girl does not 'get pretty'. You should think she is beautiful all of the freaking time. How much are you psychologically ruining your child by telling them they must dye their hair, wax their eyebrows, get tan, wear make up, do their nails if they want to win a beauty pageant?!

Let's be honest here. I was an unfortunate child. I developed so unbearably slow I have looked like a little boy the majority of my life. I wasn't allowed to wear make up for a long time. Because little girls didn't need make up. At the time, I thought my mother was surely straight from hell and put on earth to torment me. I had acne, braces, and glasses. I looked like I walked straight out a refugee camp or perhaps was related to ET. Home girl could have helped me out and let me put on some make up.

But now I think back to all of the girls I was super jealous of because their mommys let them pierce their belly buttons, and get fake nails, and wear pounds of make up, and go to the tanning beds, and wear provocative clothing. I thought they were so cool and I was so jealous. But thinking about those girls now, how many got in trouble with drugs and alcohol and sex and eating disorders and depression and whatever else? Of course they all didn't, but especially coming from the ever superficial city of Plano where everything can be bought on credit, what did these parents think they were setting their daughters up for? They were learning that being pretty and spending money unnecessarily, especially money you don't have, are the things that matter most in life. What an upbringing!

I'm not saying these poor children won't become something great in life, but what are their odds? How 'normal' will these little girls be? They are being raised in an environment of bitchy brats who believe being pretty and shaking your nonexistent 8 year old ass and tits will get you places in life. Now does that sound like the type of person who will find a cure for cancer or the type of person who will grow up with a horrible self esteem, who will turn to men and drugs to feel good and justify their existence. Hopefully, they will be just like their mommys and live vicariously through their own daughters and keep the cycle of insanity running strong in their family!

And part of me gets wanting to dress up your daughter like a doll. How about you just buy a doll and not ruin a human being by polluting their brain? And who the hell are these husbands and fathers who support this crap? Where in the world did your balls go? Did you wife cut them off on your wedding night? It's madness. Pure freaking madness. The money people spend on these ridiculous pageants...and the money they will spend laying on a couch someday or on a nice rehab facility...is it worth it? I sure hope not.

My daughter will be no toddler in a tiara. t-ball, cheerleading, basketball, girl scouts, and whatever other healthy things she wants to do are definitely a go. Hell home girl can play football or love pokemon for all I care. But I'll be damned if baby girl will be a diva with crazy bitchiness at age 4. Girl cannot be a bitch to her momma until she hits 14.

PS: speaking of Winnie the Pooh overalls, I personally cannot wait for the Winnie the Pooh movie this summer!

UPDATE: the judge even just said her eyes were drawn to one girl because of her sweetness, which isnt associated with pageants. thank you for proving my point diva!

For Teachers

My favorite teacher links

Pay teachers as babysitters

Ken Robinson is brilliant on the white board

Ken Robinson is Brilliant on Stage

The Blueberry Story

Weddings ruining marriage

Every little girl fantasizes about her wedding. Meeting Prince Charming. Living happily ever after. Shouldn't that be the dream?

Well, thanks to your friend, the media, that dream has drastically changed. There is a show about every single aspect of the wedding. We can pick out our wedding gowns, watch brides judge each other's weddings, find bridezilla. We see celebrities with rings that get bigger by the day. We can google wedding dresses, the perfect ring, dresses for the bridesmaids, the flower girl, the cake, the wedding colors, ceremony venue, reception venue, invitations, honeymoon spots...there is nothing you can't plan about your wedding while you are completely single

But how much time do we spend planning out the "happily ever after"? We want a groom and we want to be a bride. But do we really want to be a wife? What if we spent as much time fantasizing about our marriage as we did about our weddings? And not "I can't wait to be married to have shared assets." Or "I want a woman to do the chores around the house" or "I hope I find someone to make enough money so I can go to the country club all day" or "I can't wait to have regular sex" or "I'll be able to be a mommy". But really about our marriage and what we want out of a partner-not just how they will look in our wedding pictures.

Our wedding day has become so much bigger than our marriage. It is one day, and we are obsessed with it. But what about the rest of the days, when there is no dress, no photographer, no perfect pictures, no cake, no champagne, no DJ, no toasts, no presents? We worry more about rain on our wedding day than divorce in our marriage.

Everyone wants to be a bride, and even if you are saying you don't, you are lying. You want a day all about you looking and feeling fabulous, people giving you presents, having fun with all your family and friends. It is easy, regardless of how stressful we make planning perfection. Do you want a wedding or a marriage? If it's the former, plan a really big, extravagant, ridiculously expensive party. Wear white. Have a DJ. Or even a band. Dance with your father. Cut your cake. Dance the night away.

There are plenty of reasons thrown out as to why the divorce rates have increased. I'm not saying any of this is a direct cause or isn't a direct cause. But I'm sure the wedding build up doesn't help the chances for our marriages.

The 80/20 Rule

I recently was having a pity party with my chocolate covered pretzels and got sucked into a black film. As a scrawny ass white girl, black films aren’t really my style. And yet there I was, watching a movie called “Why Did I Get Married?” Just me and my chocolate covered pretzels. So this movie introduced me to a rule called the 80/20 rule and I rather like it.

The premise of the 80/20 rule is that we for some reason expect another person to give us 100% of what we need in life. This, however, is impossible. No one person is absolutely perfect and can fulfill and understand our needs, wants, and desires 100% of the time. And let’s be honest, that would be a really boring relationship. What would you argue over? (And yes, I love a good argument. I could never be with someone who didn’t fight for me and fight with me. I am wrong and flawed. Call me out on it you pansy.)

So here’s the deal. We should expect our partner to meet 80% of our needs. That’s a reasonable request. And here is where it relates to my previous post. We cheat because we hope that another person can fulfill the missing 20%. And then we will have our needs met 100%. The issue is the time spent with your 20% will ruin your relationship with the 80%. Even if the 80% doesn’t know, you will know that things have fallen below 80% and you’re still not truly at 100% fulfillment. Many times, we will leave our 80% for a new fling. At first it is fun and exciting until we realize they are only 20% and we gave up something 4 times greater. Or our 80% will leave us when they find out about our 20% fling. And sometimes, we lose both. And they both find someone else who fulfills 80% of their needs.

80/20 rule. Don’t jeopardize your 80 for 20.

Cheating

Oh, if you want to make people angry, support cheating. Let’s be honest, you have either cheated or been cheated on. And you just said what, no, she’s crazy. No boo bear, you are just that naïve then. You have been cheated on. But for your mental stability, we can say your “friend” has cheated or been cheated on. That’s a fair assessment, right? I have been trying to write this post for a while but lost any motivation or direction. So I’ll just share my thoughts on why we cheat, what I think is the dumbest part of cheating, who I would blame, and what we should do to stop it. Deal? Deal.

1. So, why do we cheat? Here are the reasons from my cheating friends: (and no, I never have cheated…which would mean I have been cheated on I suppose)

1. Personal opinion: Well read below my discussion of being animals who were not made to be monogamous, but we think it feels good to be in a relationship even though its unnatural

2. “I knew the relationship needed to end. So I did something horrible to force myself to leave”

3. “I love them but they suck in bed”

4. “Why not if you know you won’t get caught”

5. “I was drunk. He/she was hot. Need I say more?”

6. “To get revenge for them cheating on me”

7. “I wasn’t really over my ex”

8. “I’m just a really bad boyfriend/girlfriend”

Look none of these justify cheating and I know it. And just because I know many people that cheat doesn’t mean my friends are bad people. Your friends cheat too, they probably just don’t tell you.

2. The dumbest part of cheating: the person who gets cheated on blames the person who their partner cheated with, not their partner. Okay I’ll go ahead and say it, girlfriends who are cheated on blame the other girl, not their boyfriend. Females are emotional and not very logical. Logic would tell you to dump them, not forgive them and blame the other girl. Males don’t behave this way. That other girl did not cheat on you. Your boyfriend did. You should not be mad at her. She didn’t commit to you. She’s not betraying your trust, he is. And yet, we blame the girl like it is her fault and she is a slut. No, your boyfriend just likes playing in other girls secret garden. Blame him. Leave him. And whether or not you forgive him, do not blame her. Who is to say she even knew home boy had a girlfriend? So who should you blame?

3. You should blame your cheating partner. No one else. Okay well maybe there is someone else to blame. And here is where you start to hate me. You might be able to blame yourself. Yes, they cheated. They did something wrong. But sometimes, some people give their partner a reason to cheat on them. If I knew about it, I would honestly think that I was slacking in the relationship and if I had been a bomb ass girlfriend like I should be, he wouldn’t have a reason to cheat. But that’s just me. We can disagree.

4. How to stop cheating? Be single. I saw a couple break up in my apartment complex parking lot this morning. The girl was naturally a disaster and should not have been driving away. The guy shrugged his shoulders when I made eye contact with him. I replied “welcome to the good life.” He chuckled. I’d like to think I made light of his break up. Single people do not cheat. And they do not get cheated on.

Does once a cheater mean always a cheater? My answer is that once you cheat on a partner, you will probably cheat on that partner again but it is not an indicator of whether or not you will cheat on a new partner. Once a cheater always a cheater can apply to one relationship, but not necessarily the cheaters next relationship. It all depends on why they cheated.

Dating and Texting

Why don’t we date? We are single or in a relationship, but not dating. Dating has become this ugly word. And dating around might as well mean you are sleeping around. But why?

Back in the day, (I know, how old do I sound? And yes, of course it was a Wednesday…) you dated multiple people at a time. It was how you figured out what you liked in another person. And you dated multiple people at the same time to discover which one you were drawn to. And THEN you started going steady. Why are we now so driven towards monogamy so quickly?

I’ll admit it, I date around. And no, that in no way has sexual connotations. In reality, isn’t that how you should get to know someone? Today, we text to get to know people. What in the heck is that and why is that okay? Don’t get me wrong, no one is a bigger texter than I am. But I think that it’s silly and wrong. And here is why: every time a girl is about to hang out with a guy who she has been texting regularly, she calls all of her girlfriends to go “okay I know I text him like all the time but what if its really awkward in person since we’ve barely interacted in person?” And guess what, it IS awkward because through texting you have somehow uncovered who you expect the person to be in a nonthreatening setting. You find out what they do for a living, what they majored in, where they live, their birthday, their favorite color, their favorite drink, what music they listen to, the type of movies they like, if they are a morning or night person, the simple things that make them happy, etc. And then you hang out and go “well shit, we have covered every normal conversation at this point.” And your whole interaction is awkward and strange as if you’ve stalked the person and already know their preferences so you stage everything to do what you already know they like. The odds of you actually getting along with them are not that great. Everyone can be fun and flirty and talkative behind a phone screen, but personal interactions are what actually matter.

So why aren’t we dating around? Why don’t we give/get each other’s numbers just to set up dates? Instead we are in a relationship with our phones, not the person at the other end of them. We are constantly looking for the phone to light up to make our day with a picture, a text, a phone call, a joke, an anything. It’s safe and easy. I know. It’s convenient. You talk to them when you can. But just think of how many more meals we could share with someone if we actually got to know each other in person! You skip the awkward interaction after too much texting. You know instantly if you have chemistry. You find out if you could spend the rest of your life sitting across the table from this person. And trust me, yes you do know within 3 meals if they have a shot.

Also, you can text me nonstop for days, but I assure you the guy who texts me once or twice and then is showing up at my door to take me out for a date is the one I know is interested in me.

So here’s my proposition, the next guy or girl you meet out, get their number or give your number. But after the first couple of texts, grow a sack, put yourself out there, and say hey, do you wanna grab a bite to eat, get coffee, etc. sometime late this week. Don’t waste your time texting 4 different people for weeks when you could learn so much more in 4 different dates. Stop dating your phone, start dating each other. And as many of each other as you possibly can before the settle down bug bites you hard.

PDA- Pathetically Disgusting and Awkward

As a high school teacher-to-be, I see love blossoming in all forms of public displays of affection on a daily basis. There is nothing more awkward than insecure 16 year olds marking their territory on each other by making out at any and every possible moment in front of everyone. Maybe I’m old fashioned but I have never wanted you to display any of your affection for me in public. I’ll hold your hand. Maybe.

Let’s be honest: when I was 15 and 16, I had braces and acne and was unbearably skinny and underdeveloped. So I missed out on the whole PDA stage in high school partly by force but also by choice. But you don’t have to be around high schoolers to see PDA. Just go to your local bar, mall, restaurant, public hang out. It’s people of all ages. While in New Orleans, I saw 60 year olds getting way too freaky on a bar stool. If they could procreate, it might have happened that night.

Perhaps I’m over confident but I don’t believe I need to have my tongue down your throat so that other ladies will stay away. And honestly, I don't really care if they stay away. I'm flattered if they want you, just as long as you know well enough to stay away.

Don’t get me wrong. I have been drunk and made some moves in my day. But bitches are getting too territorial and crazy with their PDA for me. How insecure are you in your relationship? Why are you trying to get horizontal in front of me? Are you always in the mood or just in the mood to let everyone know to stay away from your significant other? With how public relationships are in this technological/social media/facebook official age, is anything private in relationships anymore?

Promise Rings

One of the most ridiculous ideas.

If you’ve ever had one or bought one for someone else, I’m here to tell you how moronic you are. And yes, I hope you take it personally.

I am talking promise rings in relationships. If you or your parents felt the urge to put a ring on your finger about waiting to have sex for marriage or true love, I’m not here to attack you even though I do believe it says something about you if you feel a band on your finger is necessary to shun guys away because you didn’t have the sexual control to do it yourself. If you made a promise to your God about it, I don’t think you needed a ring to let people know. Is the ring there for you or for someone else? Also, how many awesome Christians did I know in high school who still got banged 6 different ways a week with the damn ring on their finger? (obviously not on Sundays though)

So promise rings. You’re engaged to be engaged. Who in the hell came up with this bright idea.

Things a promise ring to me promises:

-I promise I cannot afford a real ring at this time

-I promise I am not ready to be engaged

-I promise to drop the marriage discussion for a while if you put a promise ring on my finger

-I promise to consider ending up with you for at least another 3 months

-I promise we are too young but maybe this piece of jewelry will get me laid

Isn’t the point of dating to figure out if you can be in a relationship? And then during the relationship at some point don’t you have to start considering if you could stay with this kid for forever? Or did I completely miss the point of dating and being in a relationship? We can just assume I’m right though for the sake of this argument. So why then are you putting a ring on my finger that says I promise to continue figuring out how I feel about you? I am anticipating that you are doing that. I’m hoping you are doing that. Because if you have it figured out, dump me or propose.

Why the institution of marriage sucks

Marriages fail because it is so much easier to suck at them and get out then put in any effort. Our generation sucks in the area of effort. We cheat on each other, we fight, we stay together for the kids, we got married for the sex, we got married because everyone said to, we end up hating each other, we stop having sex, we change, we bring someone else into the bedroom, we have an excuse for everything, we start sleeping in separate beds, we don’t communicate, we’re afraid to admit there is a problem, we get divorced. Why?

I don’t think the answer is we didn’t think marriage would be this hard. We try our best to imagine how hard it might be. I don’t believe divorce is the indicator that a marriage failed. Yes, now there is an out from the marriage. But marriages were failing long before it was “okay” to get divorced. People just stayed miserably in them for the sake of reputation. But the marriage, the love was gone. Two people just shared assets. And why?

We were not meant to succeed in marriage. No other species attempts to have a monogamous relationship for the rest of their life. They procreate. That’s how long the attraction needs to last. We are animals. We were not meant to be married. It is a man made institution and practice, not something that occurs in nature. Sex occurs in nature. Commitment does not. I’m only discussing nature, not religion. I know, we have emotions that other animals do not. But I think that commitments for life are not innate.

We hear marriage is hard and there will be rough times and days you want to quit. We are as prepared for that as possible. But we have decided to ignore that marriage isn’t natural. It is supernatural. It will be the toughest thing because it goes against everything we should naturally do. Not all marriages succeed because supernatural things can’t occur for everyone. They weren’t meant to occur for everyone but society has told us marriage is in all of our destinies. That’s hard to believe.

And in my religious view, I think God wanted us to enter into marriage, something completely against out nature, in order to test us. And we weren’t all meant to succeed. He knew we would not all be willing to go so against nature for someone else but if we could fight nature for another person, it would be the most rewarding experience of our lives here.

I know man was not meant to be alone. But I don’t know if that means he was meant to be married. Back in the day sure when marriage was for sex and procreation. But now that I think about it, what man doesn’t see endless sex as a reason to get married and what woman doesn’t see it as her opportunity to procreate?

So once those goals are complete, what is left? We can have endless sex and get knocked up without getting married. So why do we keep getting married if its not in our nature to have that sort of commitment and so few people have the will or ability to ignore nature?

(note: I hope to defy nature for another person. I just don’t know if we all have that desire)

Gay Views From a Straight Girl

Well kiddos, I am currently on the heartland flyer- the passenger train from Norman to fort worth. Hopefully getting my poor wrecked car back today and also celebrating my dad being super old now (okay he is only 50. Oh and I had a student of mine tell me it’s weird my dad waited until 25 to have kids. “you white people wait too long to have babies.” Dear god she probably expects me to have children in the next year.)

So on to my offensive and questionable thoughts of the day.
Being gay. Oh yeah. I just went there. Nothing alienates people as easily as talking about gays. But anyone who has the desire to read my thoughts shouldn’t be shocked. After living in the great states of Texas and Oklahoma for the last 15 years of my life, I am most often surrounded by conservative folk who would like to take their shotguns out and hunt them there homosexuals and their sodomy ways.

I’m not even going to go into gay marriage. That’s blasphemy. And someone would probably send satan an e-mail telling him to make sure he’s saved enough space my little butt. This is just about the choice, the art of being gay.

So being gay as a choice. Now that is just hysterical.
1. I know deviance exists. But why in the hell would so many people “choose a lifestyle” that so many people would hate them for? Do people want hate crimes committed against them just because of whom they love? Doubtful. Who chooses to be something that could lose you your family, friends, church, job? Who chooses to be attracted to someone you cannot marry? Someone you cannot kiss or hold hands with or have pictures in your office with without being ostracized? Who chooses any of that? That seems like a very stupid conscious decision to make.

2. I do not remember choosing to be straight. Do you? I never sat down and made a pro con list. (see above. If you did, you would choose straight for the sake of making life easy) So if I never had to have that conversation with myself, why are we assuming gays do? I have always liked boys. I have never questioned that, as I’m sure you know if you’re reading this. No one loves boys as much as I do. I know some people question their sexuality because they can be confused by society’s straight agenda vs. their desires vs. who is giving them attention. And plenty of people experiment. But I never chose to be straight. And you could never convince me I was gay. I’m just not. I never had a day where I realized oh I have the urge to kiss you because you have different parts than me. It just happened It’s the way I am. And as a straight white middle class female, everyone just accepts that. No one questions it or makes me feel bad about my sexual preferences. Why then do we question the preferences of others?

Okay I said I wouldn’t but I will. Gays should not be married because we do not want to the ruin the sanctity of marriage. The sanctity of marriage. You have got to be kidding. What is the divorce rate in this country? What is the rate of infidelity? Marriage was meant to be a man and woman. Well people, marriage was also supposed to be a commitment for life. And its purpose was so that it was okay to have sex and procreate. Straight people, on average, suck at marriage. Maybe we should give other people the chance to get it right?