Toddlers and Tiaras

What magnificent parenting skills!

Today, toddlers and tiaras is in OKC. Fabulous!

At 6 years old, I thought I was really pretty if I was in my Winnie the Pooh overalls and mom let me wear cherry chapstick. What in the hell is wrong with these parents? Telling their daughter it is time to get pretty. Your baby girl does not 'get pretty'. You should think she is beautiful all of the freaking time. How much are you psychologically ruining your child by telling them they must dye their hair, wax their eyebrows, get tan, wear make up, do their nails if they want to win a beauty pageant?!

Let's be honest here. I was an unfortunate child. I developed so unbearably slow I have looked like a little boy the majority of my life. I wasn't allowed to wear make up for a long time. Because little girls didn't need make up. At the time, I thought my mother was surely straight from hell and put on earth to torment me. I had acne, braces, and glasses. I looked like I walked straight out a refugee camp or perhaps was related to ET. Home girl could have helped me out and let me put on some make up.

But now I think back to all of the girls I was super jealous of because their mommys let them pierce their belly buttons, and get fake nails, and wear pounds of make up, and go to the tanning beds, and wear provocative clothing. I thought they were so cool and I was so jealous. But thinking about those girls now, how many got in trouble with drugs and alcohol and sex and eating disorders and depression and whatever else? Of course they all didn't, but especially coming from the ever superficial city of Plano where everything can be bought on credit, what did these parents think they were setting their daughters up for? They were learning that being pretty and spending money unnecessarily, especially money you don't have, are the things that matter most in life. What an upbringing!

I'm not saying these poor children won't become something great in life, but what are their odds? How 'normal' will these little girls be? They are being raised in an environment of bitchy brats who believe being pretty and shaking your nonexistent 8 year old ass and tits will get you places in life. Now does that sound like the type of person who will find a cure for cancer or the type of person who will grow up with a horrible self esteem, who will turn to men and drugs to feel good and justify their existence. Hopefully, they will be just like their mommys and live vicariously through their own daughters and keep the cycle of insanity running strong in their family!

And part of me gets wanting to dress up your daughter like a doll. How about you just buy a doll and not ruin a human being by polluting their brain? And who the hell are these husbands and fathers who support this crap? Where in the world did your balls go? Did you wife cut them off on your wedding night? It's madness. Pure freaking madness. The money people spend on these ridiculous pageants...and the money they will spend laying on a couch someday or on a nice rehab facility...is it worth it? I sure hope not.

My daughter will be no toddler in a tiara. t-ball, cheerleading, basketball, girl scouts, and whatever other healthy things she wants to do are definitely a go. Hell home girl can play football or love pokemon for all I care. But I'll be damned if baby girl will be a diva with crazy bitchiness at age 4. Girl cannot be a bitch to her momma until she hits 14.

PS: speaking of Winnie the Pooh overalls, I personally cannot wait for the Winnie the Pooh movie this summer!

UPDATE: the judge even just said her eyes were drawn to one girl because of her sweetness, which isnt associated with pageants. thank you for proving my point diva!