Planning Dates

There are times in life when I wish I was a boy. Taking someone on a date is one of those times. Also when I have to use the restroom and the girls line is ridiculously long. Even as a female, I am not exactly sure what takes women so long in the restroom.

So dates. Here are the things I got invited to by men who are courting me. (now how classy did I just make a guy getting my number at a bar sound?)

Do you like sushi? I'd love to take you to get sushi this week.

What are you doing on blank date? I'd love to take you out for dinner.

Can I get your number? I'd love to take you out some time.

Some other variation of let's sit across a table from each other, ask the same questions we ask every other first date, and have that awkward moment where you see the other person ingesting food. Don't get me wrong, I'm big on knowing if you're a disgusting eater or not. It's a make or break moment for me.

But why must you take me to dinner? Or lunch? Or sushi? Coffee? Or whatever. Dates I would take someone on (which yes I could take a guy on a date, but not the first date. It's nice to take your boyfriend on a date, not some dude for date 1-4ish)

-Dave and Busters. food and gaming. hello fun.

-minor league baseball game. do they serve beer? i love beer. and corn dogs.

-bowling. okay clearly i like gaming adventures, which makes me think...

-putt putt. laser tag

-the medieval fair.

-which makes me think, medieval times

- a local show

-that wine and painting thing people are doing

-a museum

-find some sort of weird local tour

-or weird historic location you can do funny things at

-take me to 6 flags and ill have your children.

-the freaking ZOO

-the aquarium

-a body of water. to walk around. and if i could splash in it, id be really happy. this is cheap

-a wine tasting

-the driving range. yes, teach me to golf. heck do the same with the batting cages.

-take me to a dueling piano bar

-country bars. two stepping.

don't get me wrong. i love dinner. who doesnt love food. and i love cinematic adventures. but if you spiced it up on date two or three. and especially if you spiced it up on date one. let me tell you, the ladies would love it. now i know some of these things are pricey, but if someone took me on a really cool date like the above, i would totally turn around and do the same thing for them. did you know you could just google cool dates in dallas or things to do in dfw and get a great list of ideas? i know, it takes a minute out of your day instead of your regular restaurant gig, but oh well.

and if you're doing dinner, can we do something like

-dicks last resort

-rainforest cafe

-a place with live music

-medieval times

-something funny or unusual. not the cheesecake factory, which i do love but doesnt have the certain umph im looking for.

i realize not all females would like all of these things, but id say most would enjoy the majority of them. and if not, they suck, and you can take me on one of these awesome dates instead.

Toddlers and Tiaras

What magnificent parenting skills!

Today, toddlers and tiaras is in OKC. Fabulous!

At 6 years old, I thought I was really pretty if I was in my Winnie the Pooh overalls and mom let me wear cherry chapstick. What in the hell is wrong with these parents? Telling their daughter it is time to get pretty. Your baby girl does not 'get pretty'. You should think she is beautiful all of the freaking time. How much are you psychologically ruining your child by telling them they must dye their hair, wax their eyebrows, get tan, wear make up, do their nails if they want to win a beauty pageant?!

Let's be honest here. I was an unfortunate child. I developed so unbearably slow I have looked like a little boy the majority of my life. I wasn't allowed to wear make up for a long time. Because little girls didn't need make up. At the time, I thought my mother was surely straight from hell and put on earth to torment me. I had acne, braces, and glasses. I looked like I walked straight out a refugee camp or perhaps was related to ET. Home girl could have helped me out and let me put on some make up.

But now I think back to all of the girls I was super jealous of because their mommys let them pierce their belly buttons, and get fake nails, and wear pounds of make up, and go to the tanning beds, and wear provocative clothing. I thought they were so cool and I was so jealous. But thinking about those girls now, how many got in trouble with drugs and alcohol and sex and eating disorders and depression and whatever else? Of course they all didn't, but especially coming from the ever superficial city of Plano where everything can be bought on credit, what did these parents think they were setting their daughters up for? They were learning that being pretty and spending money unnecessarily, especially money you don't have, are the things that matter most in life. What an upbringing!

I'm not saying these poor children won't become something great in life, but what are their odds? How 'normal' will these little girls be? They are being raised in an environment of bitchy brats who believe being pretty and shaking your nonexistent 8 year old ass and tits will get you places in life. Now does that sound like the type of person who will find a cure for cancer or the type of person who will grow up with a horrible self esteem, who will turn to men and drugs to feel good and justify their existence. Hopefully, they will be just like their mommys and live vicariously through their own daughters and keep the cycle of insanity running strong in their family!

And part of me gets wanting to dress up your daughter like a doll. How about you just buy a doll and not ruin a human being by polluting their brain? And who the hell are these husbands and fathers who support this crap? Where in the world did your balls go? Did you wife cut them off on your wedding night? It's madness. Pure freaking madness. The money people spend on these ridiculous pageants...and the money they will spend laying on a couch someday or on a nice rehab facility...is it worth it? I sure hope not.

My daughter will be no toddler in a tiara. t-ball, cheerleading, basketball, girl scouts, and whatever other healthy things she wants to do are definitely a go. Hell home girl can play football or love pokemon for all I care. But I'll be damned if baby girl will be a diva with crazy bitchiness at age 4. Girl cannot be a bitch to her momma until she hits 14.

PS: speaking of Winnie the Pooh overalls, I personally cannot wait for the Winnie the Pooh movie this summer!

UPDATE: the judge even just said her eyes were drawn to one girl because of her sweetness, which isnt associated with pageants. thank you for proving my point diva!

For Teachers

My favorite teacher links

Pay teachers as babysitters

Ken Robinson is brilliant on the white board

Ken Robinson is Brilliant on Stage

The Blueberry Story

Weddings ruining marriage

Every little girl fantasizes about her wedding. Meeting Prince Charming. Living happily ever after. Shouldn't that be the dream?

Well, thanks to your friend, the media, that dream has drastically changed. There is a show about every single aspect of the wedding. We can pick out our wedding gowns, watch brides judge each other's weddings, find bridezilla. We see celebrities with rings that get bigger by the day. We can google wedding dresses, the perfect ring, dresses for the bridesmaids, the flower girl, the cake, the wedding colors, ceremony venue, reception venue, invitations, honeymoon spots...there is nothing you can't plan about your wedding while you are completely single

But how much time do we spend planning out the "happily ever after"? We want a groom and we want to be a bride. But do we really want to be a wife? What if we spent as much time fantasizing about our marriage as we did about our weddings? And not "I can't wait to be married to have shared assets." Or "I want a woman to do the chores around the house" or "I hope I find someone to make enough money so I can go to the country club all day" or "I can't wait to have regular sex" or "I'll be able to be a mommy". But really about our marriage and what we want out of a partner-not just how they will look in our wedding pictures.

Our wedding day has become so much bigger than our marriage. It is one day, and we are obsessed with it. But what about the rest of the days, when there is no dress, no photographer, no perfect pictures, no cake, no champagne, no DJ, no toasts, no presents? We worry more about rain on our wedding day than divorce in our marriage.

Everyone wants to be a bride, and even if you are saying you don't, you are lying. You want a day all about you looking and feeling fabulous, people giving you presents, having fun with all your family and friends. It is easy, regardless of how stressful we make planning perfection. Do you want a wedding or a marriage? If it's the former, plan a really big, extravagant, ridiculously expensive party. Wear white. Have a DJ. Or even a band. Dance with your father. Cut your cake. Dance the night away.

There are plenty of reasons thrown out as to why the divorce rates have increased. I'm not saying any of this is a direct cause or isn't a direct cause. But I'm sure the wedding build up doesn't help the chances for our marriages.