The 80/20 Rule

I recently was having a pity party with my chocolate covered pretzels and got sucked into a black film. As a scrawny ass white girl, black films aren’t really my style. And yet there I was, watching a movie called “Why Did I Get Married?” Just me and my chocolate covered pretzels. So this movie introduced me to a rule called the 80/20 rule and I rather like it.

The premise of the 80/20 rule is that we for some reason expect another person to give us 100% of what we need in life. This, however, is impossible. No one person is absolutely perfect and can fulfill and understand our needs, wants, and desires 100% of the time. And let’s be honest, that would be a really boring relationship. What would you argue over? (And yes, I love a good argument. I could never be with someone who didn’t fight for me and fight with me. I am wrong and flawed. Call me out on it you pansy.)

So here’s the deal. We should expect our partner to meet 80% of our needs. That’s a reasonable request. And here is where it relates to my previous post. We cheat because we hope that another person can fulfill the missing 20%. And then we will have our needs met 100%. The issue is the time spent with your 20% will ruin your relationship with the 80%. Even if the 80% doesn’t know, you will know that things have fallen below 80% and you’re still not truly at 100% fulfillment. Many times, we will leave our 80% for a new fling. At first it is fun and exciting until we realize they are only 20% and we gave up something 4 times greater. Or our 80% will leave us when they find out about our 20% fling. And sometimes, we lose both. And they both find someone else who fulfills 80% of their needs.

80/20 rule. Don’t jeopardize your 80 for 20.

Cheating

Oh, if you want to make people angry, support cheating. Let’s be honest, you have either cheated or been cheated on. And you just said what, no, she’s crazy. No boo bear, you are just that naïve then. You have been cheated on. But for your mental stability, we can say your “friend” has cheated or been cheated on. That’s a fair assessment, right? I have been trying to write this post for a while but lost any motivation or direction. So I’ll just share my thoughts on why we cheat, what I think is the dumbest part of cheating, who I would blame, and what we should do to stop it. Deal? Deal.

1. So, why do we cheat? Here are the reasons from my cheating friends: (and no, I never have cheated…which would mean I have been cheated on I suppose)

1. Personal opinion: Well read below my discussion of being animals who were not made to be monogamous, but we think it feels good to be in a relationship even though its unnatural

2. “I knew the relationship needed to end. So I did something horrible to force myself to leave”

3. “I love them but they suck in bed”

4. “Why not if you know you won’t get caught”

5. “I was drunk. He/she was hot. Need I say more?”

6. “To get revenge for them cheating on me”

7. “I wasn’t really over my ex”

8. “I’m just a really bad boyfriend/girlfriend”

Look none of these justify cheating and I know it. And just because I know many people that cheat doesn’t mean my friends are bad people. Your friends cheat too, they probably just don’t tell you.

2. The dumbest part of cheating: the person who gets cheated on blames the person who their partner cheated with, not their partner. Okay I’ll go ahead and say it, girlfriends who are cheated on blame the other girl, not their boyfriend. Females are emotional and not very logical. Logic would tell you to dump them, not forgive them and blame the other girl. Males don’t behave this way. That other girl did not cheat on you. Your boyfriend did. You should not be mad at her. She didn’t commit to you. She’s not betraying your trust, he is. And yet, we blame the girl like it is her fault and she is a slut. No, your boyfriend just likes playing in other girls secret garden. Blame him. Leave him. And whether or not you forgive him, do not blame her. Who is to say she even knew home boy had a girlfriend? So who should you blame?

3. You should blame your cheating partner. No one else. Okay well maybe there is someone else to blame. And here is where you start to hate me. You might be able to blame yourself. Yes, they cheated. They did something wrong. But sometimes, some people give their partner a reason to cheat on them. If I knew about it, I would honestly think that I was slacking in the relationship and if I had been a bomb ass girlfriend like I should be, he wouldn’t have a reason to cheat. But that’s just me. We can disagree.

4. How to stop cheating? Be single. I saw a couple break up in my apartment complex parking lot this morning. The girl was naturally a disaster and should not have been driving away. The guy shrugged his shoulders when I made eye contact with him. I replied “welcome to the good life.” He chuckled. I’d like to think I made light of his break up. Single people do not cheat. And they do not get cheated on.

Does once a cheater mean always a cheater? My answer is that once you cheat on a partner, you will probably cheat on that partner again but it is not an indicator of whether or not you will cheat on a new partner. Once a cheater always a cheater can apply to one relationship, but not necessarily the cheaters next relationship. It all depends on why they cheated.